The maid of honor just puked.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
