Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
