I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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