We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
