Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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