We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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