wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
