ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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