I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had sex on a roof
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
