Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
