Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
