I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
