I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
