Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am available for nakedness
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
