you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
