the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
