New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
