This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
