Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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