when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
