I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
