I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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