Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
