umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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