I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize