guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
