Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
