dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
