Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
