and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
