He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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