Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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