You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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