am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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