Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
