There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
