Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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