Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
