Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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