im drinking this country out of the recession.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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