My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
