are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
