PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
