Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
