She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
