and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
