My liver just broke up with me...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
