apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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