Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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