I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
