Will you blow on my dice?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
