Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
