He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
