you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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