scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
