Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
