he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
