I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
