I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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