Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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