when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She said her name was "party"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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