Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
