i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
