That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
