So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
