Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
