How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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