Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize