It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
