He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
