Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
