this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
