I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
