i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
